the durnMoose blog » moosings 050a - the junkyard: a captivating collection of comforting, confounding, and capricious comments

rats what’s that you say? “hey, moose, since this is gonna be moosing number 50 how about a super-sized serving of the junkyard?” ok, just remember you asked for it… so pull up a comfy chair, pour a cup of hot tea, and dig in…

item! surely o.j. is joking about this… after all, wouldn’t fooling around with anna nicole take away from his time searching for the real killer?…

item! no france jokes to go with this one, since we actually find it rather disturbing… as a matter of fact we’d class it with anti-whistleblowing laws and other regulations trying to affect the free speech of those who are simply trying to do the right thing… or as the moose says “liberty, equality and brotherhood my ass…”

item! the moose can’t help but wonder if any of these people were lawyers… after all, we’ve all heard the old joke “there are some things even a rat won’t do…”

item! thanks to regular reader john for the heads up on this one… who knew those chik-fil-a ads could be so effective?

item! forget going out to party until you puke… the navy’s ready to do all the hard work for you…

item! like to warm up your car before you leave for work in the morning? well if you live in forest park georgia we hope you’ve got an extra $168…

item! that extra 21,500 troops president w said he was gonna need? looks more like 28,000… for now… surge! surge! suuurrrggeee!

item! we’d nominate this woman for mother of the year if the story just weren’t so damn sad…

item! the positive side of radio station consolidation? it makes it easier to consolidate the fines, too…

item! for those of you who weren’t already feeling holier-than-thou for drinking bottled water, now comes this…

item! from our ever growing “be careful what you say” file comes this dispatch… how about a worldwide proposal to establish “a ‘code of conduct’ for the newspapers and other media in both the Western and Muslim worlds. All governments must agree that the negative depiction of religion is ‘out of bounds,’ and penalties should be imposed on those who violate the code of conduct.”

item! ok, we were originally skeptical of this idea until we learned that it was to be set in atlanta… now we’re still skeptical, but we’re saying it with hillary’s selma accent…

item! the moose says he’s been trying to convince his friends and co-workers of this for years…

item! the moose wants to know “if diebold gets out of the voting machine business, who are the democrats gonna blame for losing in 2008?”

item! all we have to say to mike colbrese is “u.g.l.y. you ain’t got no alibi…“

item! hunh? no we weren’t there and we have no idea what happened and you can’t use that tape we erased to prove it, either…

item! remember when webcasting was new and there was a lot of controversy over how it would be affected by royalties and there were a lot of stations that simply wouldn’t stream anything for fear of having to pay out the nose? well, get ready for those days to come back…

item! we’re all for making fun of ann coulter whenever possible, so maybe that’s why we were so amused by this post by steven weber about going on a date with her…

item! thanks to these daring folks you no longer have to be afraid or feel guilty when you buy gas…

item! it all makes sense now… the reason al gore seemed so stiff during the 2000 election is because he was covering up the fact that he’s a martian…

item! ok, we ARE NOT conspiracy theorists… but at the same time we do find it interesting that just after the story breaks that the bbc reported on the collapse of one of the world trade center buildings 30 minutes before it actually happened, they now claim to have lost all original tapes of their coverage of the entire day of 9/11…

item! props to wd for sending us this one… guess we’re all just lucky liechtenstein wasn’t just looking for an excuse, eh?

item! we’ve largely ignored the libby verdict mostly because we figure it’s gonna be spun and spun and spun into oblivion, but the good folks at mediamatters have provided a handy checklist of things to look out for when listening to all that spin…

item! hmmm… could this be what ann coulter was referring to when she was talking about john edwards? (and yes, we promise that’s the last ann coulter refernce we’ll make today… probably…)

item! once again, the copy writers do our job for us… “A man accused of a stealing underwear from a shop in a knifepoint raid believed he was a female elf at the time”

item! here’s an interesting article on the relationship between a surprise party and evolution…

item! is innocence overrated? perhaps…

item! obviously these students didn’t realise they should have just said “hoohah” or at least “kwitzibitzi”…

item! it’s true, there is no god… or at least no trust in her…

item! or maybe there is and she’s just become more ‘net savvy…

item! the moose has been adding to his daily blog round-up lately and one that’s caught his eye is the wonderfully titled “brilliant at breakfast”… here’s a recent entry from there on why alberto gonzales should actually be the first member of the bush administration to go… a sentiment we can’t say we disagree with… …

item! from another blog we’re enjoying, the language log comes an item we call “adjectiveless in baltimore“…

item! if you watched our video of the week last saturday (and if not, go find it, it’s definitely worth it) you’ll know that we’re a big fan both of poetry and of the power of words… that’s why we loved this piece on “why poetry matters now” by robert peake…

item! the squirrelist pointed out to us this cover story from this week’s new york times magazine, and sure enough it was fascinating reading…

item! mick brady at dancing in tongues (another blog title we just love) writes on recently seeing the ghost of winona ryder…

item! in the words of william hurt in the big chill “sometimes you just have to let art flow over you”… trust us, this is art…

item! dick meyer over at cbs news asks the same thing we’ve been wondering for awhile… “can campaign ‘08 be saved?”

item! in keeping with our moosing from yesterday we’re not going to be blasting newt for his recent comment about “the failure of citizenship in the Ninth Ward, where 22,000 people were so uneducated and so unprepared, they literally couldn’t get out of the way of a hurricane.” instead we’re gonna praise him for telling it like he thinks and also note that he’s right… though we’re sure it’ll be interpreted by those who want to tear him down as a criticism of the people of new orleans, instead if you look at the actual quote in context you’ll see that he’s criticising the government and other institutions that were supposed to be there to protect and educate those people as to what to do in that case… and calling for a change in those institutions…

item! wanna know what’s going on in those military hearings at guantanamo? well that’s just too damned bad…

item! is it possible that fox news has developed a sense of humor and allowed john gibson to parody bill o’reilly’s “war on christmas”? we rather doubt it, unfortunately…

item! finally the right has found something to use against barak obama that we think will truly damn him… poor sod might as well resign from the race now…

item! reading the second article down on this page it became suddenly clear why shaq is such a fan of the articulator-in-chief…

item! on the other hand, it’s obvious that w.’s been practicing… now let’s work on that whole nucular thing, shall we?

last item! whew! finally… as noted by damnsquirrel in his comments to yesterdays’ moosing, this week saw the loss of steve rogers, otherwise known as the living legend of world war two, captain america… now while we are sure that given time the good captain will be back (after all, like in soap-operas, comic book deaths are never forever), we do take just a moment to remeber a childhood hero who stood for an america far different than the one we live in today… which may be why he had to die…

ok, kids, that’s it for now… but be sure to come back this evening for part two of our special fiftieth moosing celebration and a couple of special announcements…

moose out…

Robert Peake Says:
March 9th, 2007 at 1:26 pm

Glad you enjoyed the piece. Thanks for again proving the adage that one man’s junkyard is another’s treasure trove.

the chat Says:
March 9th, 2007 at 1:27 pm

Wow Moose … you’ve given me an enormous banquet of info to feast on. I’ve only this to say after nibbling the various Item!s. It seems that loosing the footage is a trend right now. There was an article in the Jan. issue of Wired that discusses how NASA has lost the tapes of Armstrong’s 1969 moonwalk. I don’t know why my students are working so hard on fantastic excuses for missing work; it seems the “Oops, I lost it” defense is the way to go …

the chat Says:
March 9th, 2007 at 4:27 pm

um … I mean losing the footage, not loosing it … yeah, i teach freshman english, so what?

durnmoose Says:
March 9th, 2007 at 8:21 pm

and here i just figured you were using it in the sense of they were loosing these things into the world and they weren’t finding their way back… yeah, that’s the ticket…

Shan Says:
March 11th, 2007 at 3:47 pm

Moose…
Two responses (so far) to this vast cornucopia of item!s–

1. France’s law prohibiting citizens from taking videos or photos of violence without government clearance is scary. Wonder when Bush & Co are going to try to trot that one out on us? Whoops! I forgot! They already have, in the form of the Patriot Act!

2. Shaq’s excuse for letting the air out of a basketball presented to Pres. Bush is just that, an excuse for making some kind of political statement with a flat ball. You try to figure out what it means.

Happy 50th!
S

moosings 050a - the junkyard: a captivating collection of comforting, confounding, and capricious comments - and o.j.’s slow-moving sperm…

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